Flying Kangaroo Shrugs Off A380 glitches and wins Plastic Knife Award

Plastic Knives are all that prevents Qantas from being the World's No.1 Terrorist Airline
Forget A380 engines blowing themselves to smithereens and scaring the nasi gorengs out of Indonesian villagers....
To celebrate the 90th Birthday of the Flying Kangaroo, Qantas has just earned the most prized of airline commendations, as voted by the Terrorists of the World Academy: The  Utterly Useless Plastic Knife Award.


14 of the 573 accredited Terrorists polled by the News of the World agreed that the only thing missing from their view of a perfect  'preferred airline' was Qantas' insistence on using up the 562 million plastic knives they bought at the height of the post 9/11 scare.
"Without that truly unique anachronism", said El-Khaib Ben Dingbat from his hide-away in the airconditioning ducts of the Jupiter Casino, Queensland, "all self-respecting terrorists would be Qantas Platinum Frequent Flyers."


A Qantas spokesman denied that being the only airline that still insisted on using plastic knives gave them an unfair advantage over competitors.
"As you can see from our recent $12 million dollar fine convictions for engaging in cartel activities in Europe, we take our corporate ethics very seriously. Plastic knives are an integral part of that integrity."


Terrorists interviewed also nominated Neil Perry, the Kangaroo Iron Chef-in-Chief, as their favourite inflight caterer: "Nothing reminds us more of the smell of 100 year old camel hide than the beef served up on Qantas flights. It makes us feel at home. We pray to Allah for his eternal life" was a common comment from Frequent Flyers based in the Middle East.


Qantas modestly acknowledged its favourite status amongst Terrorist Frequent Flyers and promised to continue to be the only major international airline to issue only plastic knives. Or at least for as long as 52 million of them last:

"Quite frankly, if we used metal knives like our One World partners such as British Airways and Cathay Pacific, our customers would try to eat the Qantas inflight food and we would never see them again."
UPDATE: Metal knives sighted in the Business Lounge of the Qantas Club, Sydney Airport! (But not in Perth, or on the planes.)
Qantas agrees plastic knives are pointless...